As all of you know, my sweet brother Charles has passed away. For weeks I have been just unable to do much of anything, just living in a dark place. I realize now that I have to get back to the living of my life. Life is short, and I know where my brother is, and I know I will see him again. He was such a dynamic person, and so easy to love. Several people have told me that they were saddened to hear of his passing. They said that through my words that they had come to know and love Charles, and some have said that they are changed for the better from having met him here on my blog. I am so honored that you feel that way about my blogging, and I can so understand this because I feel the same way. My family and I were blessed to have Charles, our angel, here on earth with us for 58 years.
In the process of grieving, sometimes you may feel that life isn't worth living any longer, or that your life doesn't matter. I have gone through some of this, but I had a long talk about it will my Sis, and that my life does matter, and the blogging that I do, and the making of my art is important too, but still I just couldn't feel it. I need to be needed by someone, and what I do and the way I feel is not worthless. To "better" myself and feel more worthy to go on living, we have decided that to honor Charles we MUST get back to living, and that there is another someone out there that needs love, encouragement, and someone to care about them. We have found such a person, and her name is Joanna. We are going to reach out to her, and just see if she is interested in forming a friendly relationship with us. So I am hoping that she will, but if it doesn't work out, then we will look again. I know there is someone out there that needs me to care about them, just as I need to care for them. I want to matter to someone, just as Charles did, and so I lovingly say that Charles you are in my thoughts from day to day, but you are forever in my heart, and so I am moving forward.
My first step in getting back to normal after many months of heartache and trips back and forth to San Antonio to see Charles is to get back to blogging, and to making art. Since it is so late, I will sign off for now, and post a new project that I am working on later today that means something to me.
One more thing: I have had some many beautiful comments and emails from several of you. I know many of you sent cards, gifts, and money to Charles. I will always hold you and your generosity in my heart as well. I am blessed that you read my blog and "met" my brother, and as I told one person by email today, please don't ever think that when you leave a comment, send an email, or offer your condolences that it really doesn't matter because I am here to say to you that yes what you said and what you did made a huge difference in my life and in Charles' life. Your words to me helped more that you will ever know....until you are in my position of having lost someone that you love so very much, and I pray that there will be family, friends, and blog buddies there for you.
With warmest regards to each of you who read this, and God bless.